The Random Ramblings of Dori Post
What I think about whatever.
Dori Post
Life is Always Changing
It's a normal thing that life is always changing. I am not sure why we are always looking for a state of no change. That 'settling down' feeling. I don't know when it ever gets there because I've never been there. I remember when I was young I thought that had to be the most boring thing. I never wanted to be 'settled'.
Then as I got older I kept wondering when I would achieve it. Now I wonder with dismay if I will ever get to settle. But I don't think we ever do. I don't think life is ever really settled as long as we are an active part of it. As long as we keep living we are not settled.
The true question is, do we even want to be? Sure, there are days that I am truly exhausted and exasperated and don't think I can take another step and I wish I didn't have so many things on my plate. The issue isn't the things on my plate. It's why I am exhausted or exasperated. That usually points back to my health or wealth; or lack of.
So its not so much how much I have going on in my life but the limits I have in my ability to respond to it. On the other side, it keeps it interesting. My kids all have interesting, active lives and it keeps me intrigued and interested and its fun. Nothing boring for me. Especially when things are going alright for them.
I do get caught up in worry when things are not going well for them and its really hard because I can't fix it; like mom's want to do. But when things are going alright its a lot of fun to sort of live through their lives. Things I never may have done I sort of get to experience through their experiences. It gives me a fuller life.
So I guess I was right all along; that life always changing is a good thing. I don't want it to ever really settle down. Just let me take a break now and then to catch my breath.
Make a Difference
This economy has everyone I know worried. Even the kids are worried. What is worse is that it is believed it will get worse before it gets better. I'm not sure what that means exactly. More people will be out of work. More businesses will close.
I'm not sure but it seems that there is just less and less money circulating around. We do keep buying foreign oil and sending money overseas. Doesn't that mean there is less money left in the U.S.? How do we get that money back here? Are those countries buying something equally valuable from us in return? If not, we are shipping our cash out of the country and there really is less of it in this country.
Aside from the money issue what will our lives be like if this situation does get worse? Will we find empty shelves on the grocery stores? Will produce be hard to find? Will there be shortages on certain products and ridiculous prices of the short supply items? I'm already on disability and a fixed income that doesn't go very far. I wonder if the little bit of money I have is going to be stretched even thinner than it is already.
How do we allow ourselves, the greatest nation in the world, to get this bad? We take things for granted too much. We believe in fairy tales and that everything is going to be alright. Then when it isn't we look to blame someone else instead of taking responsibility for it and making the changes ourselves. We are too passive. We want someone else to make things happen for us.
We all need to make a difference. We all need to take responsibility for changing things. Roll up our sleeves and get busy. Get involved.
I'm not sure but it seems that there is just less and less money circulating around. We do keep buying foreign oil and sending money overseas. Doesn't that mean there is less money left in the U.S.? How do we get that money back here? Are those countries buying something equally valuable from us in return? If not, we are shipping our cash out of the country and there really is less of it in this country.
Aside from the money issue what will our lives be like if this situation does get worse? Will we find empty shelves on the grocery stores? Will produce be hard to find? Will there be shortages on certain products and ridiculous prices of the short supply items? I'm already on disability and a fixed income that doesn't go very far. I wonder if the little bit of money I have is going to be stretched even thinner than it is already.
How do we allow ourselves, the greatest nation in the world, to get this bad? We take things for granted too much. We believe in fairy tales and that everything is going to be alright. Then when it isn't we look to blame someone else instead of taking responsibility for it and making the changes ourselves. We are too passive. We want someone else to make things happen for us.
We all need to make a difference. We all need to take responsibility for changing things. Roll up our sleeves and get busy. Get involved.
Girls Just Want To Have Fun
I have always been way too serious and responsible. I rarely let my guard down and go enjoy myself just for me. I can't think of any times I went and took a trip with a friend. I never was much for just playing, even as a kid.
I tortured my little brothers playing school all the time. I was far too serious and made them sit and do serious assignments. It was playing in a sense but I took it very seriously. I wasn't having much fun. I was serious about providing them with some sort of education.
The only thing I've ever done that is some sort of play for me is riding my motorcycle. It's invigorating and there is no other reason that the enjoyment that I do it. The wind in your face is very invigorating and clears your mind. It connects you with nature and the power of it.
I want to do more playing. Perhaps a trip somewhere tropical with a friend. I guess I'll have to find a piggy bank and start throwing my change in it. I think playing is important. Even at my ripe old "mid-life" age. I haven't been doing much of it in my life but I want to learn.
The Flop House
I've heard it a thousand times. I've said it a thousand times myself. "We aren't running a flop house here." But I think back and remember my Grandmother frequently making up a bed for someone. I don't know if it was through the church or through the welfare office but she used to sometimes be making up a bed for people in the evening; after bedtime, for someone that came to them needing a place to sleep.
I remember her pulling out sheets, blankets and pillows and making a crisp, clean bed on the sofa that folded down flat or the spare room off the kitchen. It's a fuzzy memory. I don't remember any of the people she made the bed for. I do know that she took in children for Juvenile hall until they could be placed. Not ones that committed crimes but the ones that had been taken for other reasons. She might have them a night or for a couple weeks.
The moral of this story is that my Grandma could never turn away a person that needed a place to sleep. Neither could my mother. Neither can I.
Recently my daughter had a couple staying here. They had just come into town, back from out of town but the guy we knew from him living here previously. Unfortunately, they didn't tell us she was under age. She got picked up and sent home. That's happened to me before. Do I regret it? No, she needed a place to stay regardless and what was I to do? Make her sleep on the street because she was under 18? I don't think so.
More recently we've had a friend of my younger girls staying over some of the time. Her and her mom have been hit even harder than we have lately because she's a realtor. They've lost their home, etc. They have to stay out of the area with Grandma but the girl is still at school here. Mom is working 2 odd jobs at odd hours to try to keep money coming in. So sometimes its easier to have the girl stay here and catch the bus to/from school. Heck, I understand what they are going through. I understand what its like to need help. It's the least I can do.
So am I running a flop house? Maybe. If I am, then I'm proud of it. I don't think I'm taking unnecessary risks. But I just can't turn people in need away. I'm not out scooping up people off the street but if people I know come to my door and ask for help; and I can give it to them; then I will. Letting them sleep on my family room floor (on a mattress) is really no big sacrifice for me. A couple extra showers and maybe extra bowls of cereal in the morning just isn't going to send me to the streets. It's the very least I can offer.
I remember her pulling out sheets, blankets and pillows and making a crisp, clean bed on the sofa that folded down flat or the spare room off the kitchen. It's a fuzzy memory. I don't remember any of the people she made the bed for. I do know that she took in children for Juvenile hall until they could be placed. Not ones that committed crimes but the ones that had been taken for other reasons. She might have them a night or for a couple weeks.
The moral of this story is that my Grandma could never turn away a person that needed a place to sleep. Neither could my mother. Neither can I.
Recently my daughter had a couple staying here. They had just come into town, back from out of town but the guy we knew from him living here previously. Unfortunately, they didn't tell us she was under age. She got picked up and sent home. That's happened to me before. Do I regret it? No, she needed a place to stay regardless and what was I to do? Make her sleep on the street because she was under 18? I don't think so.
More recently we've had a friend of my younger girls staying over some of the time. Her and her mom have been hit even harder than we have lately because she's a realtor. They've lost their home, etc. They have to stay out of the area with Grandma but the girl is still at school here. Mom is working 2 odd jobs at odd hours to try to keep money coming in. So sometimes its easier to have the girl stay here and catch the bus to/from school. Heck, I understand what they are going through. I understand what its like to need help. It's the least I can do.
So am I running a flop house? Maybe. If I am, then I'm proud of it. I don't think I'm taking unnecessary risks. But I just can't turn people in need away. I'm not out scooping up people off the street but if people I know come to my door and ask for help; and I can give it to them; then I will. Letting them sleep on my family room floor (on a mattress) is really no big sacrifice for me. A couple extra showers and maybe extra bowls of cereal in the morning just isn't going to send me to the streets. It's the very least I can offer.
WomanHood
Lately I have been reading several magazines that are geared towards women, mostly older women. The main focus of magazines like these is women reinventing themselves, achieving their dreams, and finding success.
There is a lot of discussion about being your best, reclaiming your life, being yourself and finally overcoming whatever has been holding you back.
The thing I find disturbing is that these same points aren't as frequently directed to young women. Why aren't we teaching girls this in high school, in middle school, from day one? Why don't we teach girls to succeed and realize their dreams from the beginning? Why do we wait until their forties to encourage them to come forward?
I know history, and I understand the answer to the question. What troubles me is that I don't think we are pushing change as fast as we should. Too many women are still subservient and still put themselves in subservient and suppressed situations to the point of being indentured. The vast statistics of domestic abuse and underground slavery is staggering enough to prove we are not empowering women fast enough.
We need to work harder and faster to teach girls these things when they are young as well. I have three daughters and its more important to me for them to learn self defense and safety awareness skills than the bowling their high school took them to. I hope when my daughters are in their forties and they are looking at their lives they find they don't need a reinvention.
There is a lot of discussion about being your best, reclaiming your life, being yourself and finally overcoming whatever has been holding you back.
The thing I find disturbing is that these same points aren't as frequently directed to young women. Why aren't we teaching girls this in high school, in middle school, from day one? Why don't we teach girls to succeed and realize their dreams from the beginning? Why do we wait until their forties to encourage them to come forward?
I know history, and I understand the answer to the question. What troubles me is that I don't think we are pushing change as fast as we should. Too many women are still subservient and still put themselves in subservient and suppressed situations to the point of being indentured. The vast statistics of domestic abuse and underground slavery is staggering enough to prove we are not empowering women fast enough.
We need to work harder and faster to teach girls these things when they are young as well. I have three daughters and its more important to me for them to learn self defense and safety awareness skills than the bowling their high school took them to. I hope when my daughters are in their forties and they are looking at their lives they find they don't need a reinvention.
Root Beer Floats
In my early years of school I went to and from school to my grandparents house. In Kindergarten it was a public school just a few blocks from their house and in First and Second grade it was a Catholic School about ten blocks from their house. Approximately midway there was a small liquor store. On special days, or to pick up a gloomy day; one of those days where it was so dark it seemed like it was nighttime all day; my grandmother would let us stop at the liquor store for a special treat.
Our treat was always Rootbeer Floats. I don't really know why that was it but it was the supreme treat we could have. It was the ultimate special treat. Grandma would buy a half gallon of vanilla ice cream in the rectangular carton and a couple bottles of Hires Root Beer in glass bottles. We'd hurry home before the ice cream melted and she'd make us the floats as soon as we got home.
As the years have passed I have replaced Root Beer Floats with hot fudge sundaes and other things but if I ever come across one they still give me a very special feeling. It's a bright and cheerful feeling. Most of all, I miss my Grandma and wish she was here sharing a Rootbeer Float with me.
Our treat was always Rootbeer Floats. I don't really know why that was it but it was the supreme treat we could have. It was the ultimate special treat. Grandma would buy a half gallon of vanilla ice cream in the rectangular carton and a couple bottles of Hires Root Beer in glass bottles. We'd hurry home before the ice cream melted and she'd make us the floats as soon as we got home.
As the years have passed I have replaced Root Beer Floats with hot fudge sundaes and other things but if I ever come across one they still give me a very special feeling. It's a bright and cheerful feeling. Most of all, I miss my Grandma and wish she was here sharing a Rootbeer Float with me.
The American Dream Has Tarnished The Golden Rule
I grew up to have compassion and fear God, not people. I knew some may seek to harm me but was lead to believe that was relatively few and the masses were good Christian people like I was and we'd all live in harmony together. We'd work hard, love our children, do our jobs, lay blame where it belonged, and defend each other as we should. Boy was I wrong. Sad thing was, I bought it. I drank the Kool-aid. I believed.
Now I knew people didn't necessarily love their children; and what went on behind closed doors could be downright terrifying. I shifted from fearing God to pleading with him; neither of which seemed to help much. All in all; for the most part I've been protected from serious trauma. But I've had more than my fair share of difficulties. I've learned to lock my doors, protect my valuables and not trust so easily.
But the extent that people are just plain horrible to each other on a daily basis in the workplace, in public, in government, services, anywhere and the hatred and lack of compassion is just staggering. I am 48 years old and I am still amazed. In awe. I can't get accustomed to it. People just don't care for each other as a general rule. They only care for themselves.
I'm not the only one; so a lot of us must have drank the kool-aid because a lot of us are amazed at the inhumanity that is so rampant now. Look at our television, we promote bad behavior on television and this is what our children are watching!! They are desensitized to people lying, stealing, cheating to get what they want and winning is all that matters.
I don't think I want to get desensitized to the inhumanity of people. If I do then it means it's ok. I don't want for it to ever be ok. It means it will continue to be painful to me and hurt me. I'll just have to endure it and recuperate from it over and over again. Hopefully, someday we will again become a more compassionate society than we are now; but the American Dream has overtaken the Golden Rule at this point to an extent that frightening.
Now I knew people didn't necessarily love their children; and what went on behind closed doors could be downright terrifying. I shifted from fearing God to pleading with him; neither of which seemed to help much. All in all; for the most part I've been protected from serious trauma. But I've had more than my fair share of difficulties. I've learned to lock my doors, protect my valuables and not trust so easily.
But the extent that people are just plain horrible to each other on a daily basis in the workplace, in public, in government, services, anywhere and the hatred and lack of compassion is just staggering. I am 48 years old and I am still amazed. In awe. I can't get accustomed to it. People just don't care for each other as a general rule. They only care for themselves.
I'm not the only one; so a lot of us must have drank the kool-aid because a lot of us are amazed at the inhumanity that is so rampant now. Look at our television, we promote bad behavior on television and this is what our children are watching!! They are desensitized to people lying, stealing, cheating to get what they want and winning is all that matters.
I don't think I want to get desensitized to the inhumanity of people. If I do then it means it's ok. I don't want for it to ever be ok. It means it will continue to be painful to me and hurt me. I'll just have to endure it and recuperate from it over and over again. Hopefully, someday we will again become a more compassionate society than we are now; but the American Dream has overtaken the Golden Rule at this point to an extent that frightening.
My Ducks Are Gathering
They aren't in a row yet, but they are at least gathering around. I wonder sometimes if we are even meant to ever get our ducks in a row. It's a cute phrase, but are we so busy chasing something that's not meant to be? If all your ducks are in a row, isn't it kind of boring?
Ok that was definitely a random rant.
On the more serious note, things are coming together. At least I feel like they are. Of course late at night all the haunts of darkness make you uneasy. A person needs to learn to embrace the darkness and make it work for you. Aside from banking and doctor appointments, what can't you do during the odd hours of the night? Many stores are even open 24/7 now.
What I like most about daylight is views. Looking off in the distance to the mountains or the clouds in the sky. Watching clouds can be quite entertaining. Here we have these clouds that form over Lake Tahoe but then they will blow east and they get this smudged look from being blown. It's really unique and intriguing. I've tried to capture them with a camera but I haven't done it justice yet.
So I don't think I'm going to worry about having my ducks in a row. Rather just be glad they are gathered. The slight disarray keeps things interesting.
Ok that was definitely a random rant.
On the more serious note, things are coming together. At least I feel like they are. Of course late at night all the haunts of darkness make you uneasy. A person needs to learn to embrace the darkness and make it work for you. Aside from banking and doctor appointments, what can't you do during the odd hours of the night? Many stores are even open 24/7 now.
What I like most about daylight is views. Looking off in the distance to the mountains or the clouds in the sky. Watching clouds can be quite entertaining. Here we have these clouds that form over Lake Tahoe but then they will blow east and they get this smudged look from being blown. It's really unique and intriguing. I've tried to capture them with a camera but I haven't done it justice yet.
So I don't think I'm going to worry about having my ducks in a row. Rather just be glad they are gathered. The slight disarray keeps things interesting.
OK So I'm a Wimp
Yes, I finally admit it. I'm a Wimp. I give in and avoid confrontation. With the number of disagreements I've been known to argue to the death, I never would have guessed it. But I've finally come to realize that I only get to that point out of sheer desperation and frustration. Generally, there were countless opportunities for me to be more assertive long before it resulted in an uproar.
I let the kids skip their chores and I let them off their punishments. (Who really gets punished anyway, them or us?) I can barely make a phone call and seldom return items purchased unless there is a total failure. I rarely tell someone no if they ask for a favor or intrude on me.
So I need to go back to my assertiveness lessons and relearn them. I need to be more proactive and stern. I need to stop making excuses and stick to my declarations. No more letting the girls walk all over me. I think I've been making excuses because I've been so sick they have had to do more. Regardless, that's no excuse for letting things get out of hand.
I let the kids skip their chores and I let them off their punishments. (Who really gets punished anyway, them or us?) I can barely make a phone call and seldom return items purchased unless there is a total failure. I rarely tell someone no if they ask for a favor or intrude on me.
So I need to go back to my assertiveness lessons and relearn them. I need to be more proactive and stern. I need to stop making excuses and stick to my declarations. No more letting the girls walk all over me. I think I've been making excuses because I've been so sick they have had to do more. Regardless, that's no excuse for letting things get out of hand.
Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness - Is there a difference for Women?
I've been to the assertiveness business seminar. I've read some books about being assertive. Despite all this education I've had on the subject; I'm still pretty much a doormat. I really didn't realize some of the subtler aspects of unhealthy and abusive relationships. The obvious ones everyone is aware of, even those submerged in one. However, the more subtle attributes I wasn't aware of until today. I have them here in writing; dishonesty, inequality, disrespect, irresponsibility. Some of those actions include; tries to control my life, tells me what to do, lies to me, uses manipulation or coercion, makes fun of me or calls me nasty names, dominates my time, does not like me to do things without them, their rights are most important, emotional outbursts, dominates and controls others.
So with this learning experience I also have designations for being assertive without being aggressive. I've been out there in the world a long time. I worked almost 30 years in a predominately male profession. I can not think of a time where any assertive woman was not considered aggressive. Now granted, I accept that many people don't know the difference. But unless a woman is a doormat, especially in the workplace; she is considered aggressive.
Rather than gloss over it let's just admit to it being the B-word. If you don't take it all quietly and are passive to everyone's bad behavior; other women included (and they often are worse than the men); then you are labeled with the B-word.
Then again, has any woman ever NOT been called that at some time or another? If it is inevitable, then why try so hard to avoid it? Do what is best for your own self-esteem and self preservation and stop worrying so much about that word.
The best we can do is be sure we are being assertive rather than aggressive in our behavior but not expect others to know the difference. Expect to get called the B-word regardless; and wind up with a healthy life and healthy relationships.
So with this learning experience I also have designations for being assertive without being aggressive. I've been out there in the world a long time. I worked almost 30 years in a predominately male profession. I can not think of a time where any assertive woman was not considered aggressive. Now granted, I accept that many people don't know the difference. But unless a woman is a doormat, especially in the workplace; she is considered aggressive.
Rather than gloss over it let's just admit to it being the B-word. If you don't take it all quietly and are passive to everyone's bad behavior; other women included (and they often are worse than the men); then you are labeled with the B-word.
Then again, has any woman ever NOT been called that at some time or another? If it is inevitable, then why try so hard to avoid it? Do what is best for your own self-esteem and self preservation and stop worrying so much about that word.
The best we can do is be sure we are being assertive rather than aggressive in our behavior but not expect others to know the difference. Expect to get called the B-word regardless; and wind up with a healthy life and healthy relationships.