Standing on a Ledge
There's a song out there, I think by Creed about standing six feet from the edge, and six feet from the bottom or something like that. The wording is off and it always drives me nuts because if he's six feet from the edge, he's not only six feet from the bottom; he's 12 feet from the bottom.
That's how my mind works. So damn analytical I make people laugh. For me two and two always have to equal four unless someone can provide me with explicit facts as to why it doesn't. "Just the facts" is how I think. If the facts don't add up then there is no theory.
It's a curse really. I don't fly by the seat of my pants with anything. The unknown terrifies me. That's why I've always taken jobs beneath my qualifications. It's why when I say anything definite I am overly sure that I am right. No room for mistakes. What that means is that I seldom say something definite unless I'm absolutely sure it is correct. So in my last few jobs I was overly qualified and knowledgeable and when I dug my heels in about something; I was always right.
Well now I can't do that work anymore. I've been through the poor me, and mourning of my 'career' that I worked so hard at. Now its time for me to wake up and realize that with the end of that career there is opportunity for what I can do now.
It's the American dream to be an independent businessperson who marches to their own tune. I do have several chronic illnesses that are going to be hurdles along the way. However, here I am on the ledge of being able to do that thing that I've dreamed of doing for so many years.
The catch isn't my illnesses; although they will be an issue at times and I'll have to incorporate them into my reinvention of myself. The real catch is that I am about to jump into something I don't already know. I don't have all the answers, I don't always know what to expect, I haven't been there and done it.
That is the hardest part. The part that terrifies me. The part that makes some people enthusiastic and excited instead scares me to death. There is where I have to start working the hardest.
That's how my mind works. So damn analytical I make people laugh. For me two and two always have to equal four unless someone can provide me with explicit facts as to why it doesn't. "Just the facts" is how I think. If the facts don't add up then there is no theory.
It's a curse really. I don't fly by the seat of my pants with anything. The unknown terrifies me. That's why I've always taken jobs beneath my qualifications. It's why when I say anything definite I am overly sure that I am right. No room for mistakes. What that means is that I seldom say something definite unless I'm absolutely sure it is correct. So in my last few jobs I was overly qualified and knowledgeable and when I dug my heels in about something; I was always right.
Well now I can't do that work anymore. I've been through the poor me, and mourning of my 'career' that I worked so hard at. Now its time for me to wake up and realize that with the end of that career there is opportunity for what I can do now.
It's the American dream to be an independent businessperson who marches to their own tune. I do have several chronic illnesses that are going to be hurdles along the way. However, here I am on the ledge of being able to do that thing that I've dreamed of doing for so many years.
The catch isn't my illnesses; although they will be an issue at times and I'll have to incorporate them into my reinvention of myself. The real catch is that I am about to jump into something I don't already know. I don't have all the answers, I don't always know what to expect, I haven't been there and done it.
That is the hardest part. The part that terrifies me. The part that makes some people enthusiastic and excited instead scares me to death. There is where I have to start working the hardest.
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